you cook, white knight work.

Hands down, I had the strangest morning in Singapore today.

It all started out pretty basic. I woke up, needed to go take out cash to pay the rent, so I got my shit together, and went down to the MRT where the citibank ATM lives. I'm something of an A/C baby, so I left the A/C on, and in general I keep my door closed while I'm home. Not because I'm afraid D will come in and filch my stuff or dance around naked, just because I have the A/C on and obviously that makes sense.

So I get back from the ATM -- I'm balancing my wallet, a hot cup of coffee, and a Mr. Bean, and I get to my door and shift the handle, give it some hip to get it open and -- ow, now there is a huge bruise on my hip and my hand is burnt by jostled coffee, because the door did not open.

I've never locked the door. I don't even know HOW to lock the door.

Flabbergasted, I unload my arms and go back to the door and try again. Stuck. Immobile. Obstinate door.

I try a few more times and then fetch D, and he gives it a try. Nada. Now we're both confused. Did I lock it? he asks. Nope, I reply. Well, shit. So, enterprising lad that he is, D calls a locksmith. Then he busts off to the bank, and minutes later the locksmith arrives.

The locksmith...is a character.

I'd guess in his fifties, though given the Singaporean standard of aging, I could be entirely wrong. I've seen people here who look like they're in their twenties, but are actually close to forty. It's remarkable. This guy, though, he had the right kind of slight stoop to his shoulders and bend in his knees, and there was gray in his hair. He hunkered down with his box o' tricks outside my door and set to work.

Apparently, it is not uncommon in this neighborhood for the locks to break -- and my lock DID break, right off into the door jam, and he had to drill the sucker open to get it out. Now I know. My waterproof sneaker is currently holding my door closed, because I was too paranoid to have him replace the lock. Some day. But not today.

Anyway, mid-drilling-into-my-door, the locksmith starts to get inquisitive.

Is that an office? he asks. No, that's my roommate's room.

The house is all women? he ponders. No, I live with a boy.

You should get married.

...what?

You find your white knight in Singapore, and you get married and have lots of babies who lock each other out of rooms. Mommy mommy! She hit me! I lock her in closet! Mommy Mommy! And you cook husband meals. You stay home and he work and you cook.

...great idea, Mr. Locksmith.

You cook, white knight work.

Sounds great.

Your kids -- mommy mommy!

Whoa there.

Mommy mommy -- waaaaaaah aaaaaaah grrrheeeaaahhh! Your door -- it is unlocked.

Thanks, guy.

I see you and husband when you have kids and lock them in basement.

O...kay. Here's your S$50. Have a good one.

After that, I needed a lot more coffee.

White knight, here I come.